The Fear of Farting

There I was waiting to enter the elevator as I was headed up to the conference room on the 14th floor. I was anxious as this was the most important presentation I had ever given in my career. I pushed the button again, no idea why but we all do it. The elevator finally arrived as the doors opened, I could already see just how crowded it was; there were people packed into every inch of space. Two people stepped off, and I could see a gap big enough for me to fit in. Now, I usually would have just waited for the next elevator and ridden to the floor in comfort, but I was running out of time, so I climbed into the sardine can and pushed number 14. 

There is no explanation as to why it always happens; as soon as the elevator doors closed, I felt it in my stomach. That weird sensation you get just before you let one go. I put my hand against my stomach and held my breath, this elevator was packed, and I was not willing to embarrass myself by farting in front of all these people. Who knew who these people were? This elevator could be full of executives and the decision-makers in the company. If I let rip, my entire career could come crashing down. 

I continued to hold my breath and looked up to see what floor we were on; it was the 5th. This was not what I was hoping for; I looked at the row of numbers in front of me, and it looked like every floor had been selected. It was becoming unbearable to hold in, and I could feel beads of sweat beginning to form on my forehead. I couldn’t go on much longer; my stomach began to hurt from the pressure being caused by the trapped gas. 

 I slowly released, and thankfully there was no sound. I held my breath, did anyone notice? Oh my goodness, what about the smell? I began to panic for a second, then remembered my wife had given me the scented fart pills from Flatuscents. The air suddenly smelt like roses only slightly, but I relaxed and knew that this day was going to go well. I thanked my wife in my mind and Flatuscents for creating this extraordinary masterpiece that had just saved the day for me.

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